Reflecting

Despite my slight sleep deprivation, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mostly about the last year. This time last year, we had just moved here to CO from TX. Caroline was only 10 months old - that is so hard to believe! My mom was visiting us out here for the first time. Bill and Frances had just left Wake Forest for Asheville for the last time, knowing there was no cure for his leukemia. This time last year I was packing up me and Caroline, heading to Asheville to say goodbye to one of the most important people in my life. It was the saddest, most dreaded thing I have ever done. He died June 17. Even almost a year later, when everything stops and I think about it, I still can't believe he is gone. I think about him every night when I go to bed. And some nights it hurts so badly I feel like I can't breathe or I get sick to my stomach. This time last year, exactly on Mother's Day, I ended up in the Emergency Room with what the doctors thought was appendicitis. We were all dressed up, going to brunch at the Ritz downtown and we turned around because my right side was just in horrible pain. It turned out to be a very large ovarian cyst and endometriosis. We were so afraid that we would never be able to have another baby. The doctor warned us that a side effect is fertility issues and we were just starting to try to get pregnant again. My heart sank. Again. Obviously we got pregnant again :) Also this past year we had our first holidays in our home. That was a big change for me. Especially not being in Asheville for Christmas. I have just accepted that Christmas will no longer be the same for me. We joined a wonderful MOPS group here at Southeast Christian Church, which I am so grateful for. I was very skeptical at first and was hesitant to put Caroline in the child care. We skipped several meetings at the beginning of the semester last year, mainly because I was scared and knew absolutely no one. It is hard to keep trying to make new friends when you have moved every year for the last 4 years. And it is tiring, especially just to end up moving again. But I'm glad I gave it a shot. The women I have met through this ministry have really lifted me up and been so welcoming. Especially the last few months I was pregnant with Lilly and these first few weeks after her birth. I could not have asked for a better support group, especially in such a short amount of time. And lastly, it has been almost a year since I have been to Asheville. This is definitely the longest I have ever been away from "home." I haven't seen my brother and his family, sister and her family, grandparents, Frances, aunts or uncles in a year. And I must admit I really do miss Asheville. And it is really hard to believe that we have not seen RJ's sister and her family in 2 1/2 years...since Christmas 2006 when we were all in Charleston and Lynn and I were both pregnant. Their daughter Vivian is about 3 weeks older than Caroline and they have never met. How sad is that? I would love to somehow get together with them our next trip back east. Ok. That is enough for now!