MDO

Tomorrow is my baby's first day of Mom's Day Out.  Oh dear...I have a feeling the tears will be flowing again in the morning.  I have very mixed feelings about this.  First of all, she's my baby.  Secondly, she's 16 months old.  I know, I know...she doesn't have to go yet.  But I can sort of justify it to myself without crying.  We have MOPS at church every other Thursday.  So she would be in childcare at church for a couple of hours anyways.  And I just do not like the chilcare situation at MOPS.  It literally drives me crazy and I am so nervous for the entire meeting I can't even really enjoy myself and the fellowship.  I have had several friends' kids come out with scrapes, bruises, and even a black eye.  Um...hello!?!?!  This is NOT ok.  And the few times I have left Lilly Cate, when I go check on her she is sitting in the middle of the floor by herself, hugging her little lovey and sucking her thumb.  Quite possibly the saddest thing I have ever seen.  That or she is eating some type of food off the nasty carpet.  This just is not a good situation for me.  I have purposefully put them at another church in our area Thursday morning to avoid this.  And the three year old room -- geesh!  It is like a mini warzone with the adults standing on the sidelines.  So all in all, I am honestly hoping that I feel more relaxed during the meeting knowing that she is in nurturing, caring hands.  These are the same baby teachers that Caroline had when she started going last year, so they know us pretty well there.  But she is still my baby!!!  And I know a lot of parents justify to themselves that "it will be good for the kids."  I agree with this, to a certain extent.  I do believe that Lilly Cate needs a little more socialization at this age than Caroline did.  She is not very good at sharing, has little (sometimes big...dropping and rolling on the floor) tantrums when she doesn't get her way, and is extremely attached to Mommy.  That last part is not so bad :)  But the others she could use a little work on.

Now I have packed two lunches for tomorrow and am searching for Caroline's "preschool" (I know, she just started...) backpack with a little elephant on it that is the cutest, smallest backpack you've ever seen!

On another note of babies growing up:  we went down to the park this afternoon before nap and as I was watching Caroline run across the field to the playgroud, I about burst into tears.  She looked so big and grown up and beautiful just running around, no worries or concerns.  I started thinking, I am so glad she only goes to school two days a week.  I don't think I could handle the M/W/F schedule.  Then  I realized that most kids go at least 3, if not 4 days a week for Pre-K.  What?!?  That is next Fall.  Oh my goodness.  And then the year after that my baby baby will be in K (I can't even type it out, that's how afraid I am of it).  (Luckily she is hanging from the stair rail calling for me to come lie with her in her bed...whew!)  I mean...where is the time going?  I just can't believe it.  I know she's only 3, but these last 3 years have gone by so quickly, I can see the next 3 coming and going just as fast.  And it scares me.  I want her to be this age forever.  It is a challenging age, yes, but also very endearing and loving.  And I just can't bare to think of parting with her everyday.  What in the world will I do with myself?  Yes, I know, I will have two other babies at home.  But she is my baby baby.  First born.  First love of a child, that you can never know until you have it.  First everything.  It is really like having your heart walking around outside of your body.  And to think she won't be beside me everyday is just torture.

PS:  The hormones are worse this pregnancy.  I'm sure of it.